the academic part of unschooling, realizing that learning is everywhere and happens all the time
is something i feel like i get.
i get that you don't need to be in a school, or use a textbook to learn.
that it's bigger than that.

i get lost, still, on the parenting part.
how do you do this without coercion,
how do you not blur the line between your kid being cognitively and developmentally
in a place where they really do need you to step in
and when it's time to back off???

i watch my 5 year old run around, literally unable to stop moving himself,
from exhaustion.
i watch him fight it with everything he has
and
to me
allowing him to run around, feeling so out of control and being so out of control
is negligent.
it's like him learning how to swim and watching him get past his level of abilities
and flounder around, arms flailing, desperatley trying to gain control of himself...

i feel like the answer is back in what i just wrote,i still can't see it though.

sometimes i feel like a slave to my kids.
they need me to help them go to sleep,
they tell me when they're ready to go up, sometimes it's way past when i'm ready,
sometimes it's way before.
sometimes it takes them a long long time to fall asleep,
and by that time, i'm now ready to go to sleep too.
i had things i wanted to do still,
reading and editing (photography)
and hanging out with my husband...
ahhhh...
that gets frustrating
and i get cranky
and feel
like *poor me*
*this sucks*
*this isn't working for me*
blah blah blah...
i have read so many, many things,
and have been on many unschooling yahoo groups and learned a lot.
i just can not find the win/win situation here for me,
hmmm...
i was gonna say "i just can not find the win/win situation here for US"
i have asked them
and i have spoken with my husband,
nothing came of that though.
the kids didn't have much input either, that i remember.
i'll ask them tomorrow.

i enjoy the time i spend with them
and i feel trapped by it, at times, too.

we're in this place,
where they are really attached to me,
they need to be with me,
they get anxious if i'm not with them,
and it's not all the time,
and it's not always at a really high distress level,
but
when that does happen
it's just.too.much.

i am having difficulty finding time to be alone.
i like to start my day alone,
for at least an hour,
doing my thing,
showering,
mentally clearing out,
exercising.
i can't figure out how to make that work.
i know i need 8 hours of sleep,
i figured that out.
the first kid gets up around 7-8, sometimes later
and sleeps with me.
if she wakes and i'm not there she gets really upset.
i'd have to be asleep by 10, in bed by 9.
my kids don't go up till anywhere from 11-1.
haivng my little mama who sleeps with me,
hang out and do her thing and try to lay and do mine does not happen.
she will not let me go to sleep.
she decides when she's ready to go up,
there are a few times when i see that she's just exhausted and bring her up and she falls asleep quickly,
so there are exceptions.

i am tred now.
quiote tired.
i realize i haven't finished this
but i feel like i should post it anyway,
reagardless.

sweet travels all.
:)